


What are some good names for sidekick cats?

by Bramblepelt



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: A pure fluff piece about fluff with a side order of found family and some healing for dessert, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9081004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bramblepelt/pseuds/Bramblepelt
Summary: Lucretia said no dogs on the moon. Cats are not dogs, they are two completely different things.





	

“Hello sirs, how was your trip to Neverwinter?” Angus was beaming up at Taako, Magnus, and Merle, always excited to hear about their exciting adventures. Sure it had just been a shopping trip but when it came to these three there was no such thing as ‘just a shopping trip’. Hell they could trip over a door step and end up discovering some long lost archaic map to evil buried treasure and no one would question it. There had to be something exciting that happened at the Neverwinter Bazaar.

“I saw three dogs and got to pet one.” Magnus beamed. 

“What kind of self respecting botanist doesn’t have heirloom seeds.” Merle grumbled under his breath. 

Taako dropped his pack to the ground, bending down to open it. “Listen Agnes, so happy to see you, got you something down there. Now I know what you’re thinking...it’s probably some goof thing that’s actually not thoughtful at all but let me assure you today that is not the case. I saw this and immediately thought of you,” he said behind a grin that told Angus it was absolutely a goof present that wasn’t thoughtful at all but he would appreciate nonetheless. “And don’t get me started on the haggling with this guy it was like he was insulted I didn’t want to pay for his shit. Anyway-” Taako’s hands found the fuzzy lump he was looking for “here you go Pumpkin, from the bottom of my overly generous hea-”

A loud gasp from both Angus and Magnus broke his train of thought. Merle chimed in with a “Ooh, Lucy isn’t going to like that.” Taako’s eyes moved from Angus’ wide stare, to the wriggling ball in his hands, to the enormous man whose face had frozen in a state of pure delight.

“You did this.” Taako hissed at him.

“Who was selling kittens?! I thought you were talking about that teddy bear with the mean sweater, you laughed about it for like twenty minutes, but you got a kitten?!”

“When did you put this in my bag?!” Taako shoved the offending creature in his face, eliciting squeals of joy from his intended victim. “You can’t just put living things in someone’s bag you don’t know what I do with this shit, I could’ve punted a kitten off the moon and it would’ve been all your fault!” he found himself raising his voice ever higher to be sure he was heard over Magnus’ giggling. 

“It wasn’t me I swear! If it were me I’d just put it in my pocket you know that!”

“A real live kitten.” Angus said in awe. The hitch in his voice caught Taako’s attention. The little guy’s face was threatening to scrunch up in that way that temporarily broke Taako’s defense systems every damn time. Resigning himself to this real, actually nice gift over the hilarious one he had been so excited to share, Taako bent back down and presented the squirmy orange fluff to Angus.

“I wonder if Fantasy Costco sells litter boxes. Ooh, and we’ll need mouse toys, and a scratching post, and a collar with a tiny bell on it so we always know when it’s coming and going.” Magnus started checking his pockets for a pen and paper. “What do you think about red, I think a red collar would be great.”

“Thank you sirs,” holding back tears and snuggling his face into the kitten’s, Angus tried to keep his big boy voice on. “I mean I know you didn’t mean to get me a kitten but you kind of did get me a kitten and I really appreciate-” the kitten let out a squeaking little mew and Angus fell apart. “She’s, she’s just so perfect…” he hiccuped as the furball began sniffing his face intently.

Taako found himself emotionally caught between discomfort at this genuine outpouring of feelings and a need to make the little shit as happy as reasonably possible. 

“Yeah well, something something responsibility, you eh, you earned it? I guess? Just don’t go transfiguring it into a dragon or anything.” he trailed off, finding the perfect line between affection and aloof.

“She looks just like Caleb Cleveland’s pet cat sidekick Tabbyclaw! I’m going to name her Tabbyclaw and we’re going to solve so many mysteries together!” Any and all illusion of precociousness had left the boy detective and was replaced with pure childish glee.

“Okay sugar pea you’re ruining the moment with that nerd shit.”

Merle gave the kitten a tiny scratch on the head with his flesh hand. “You boys are getting mighty attached, you know the Director doesn’t allow pets on-”

“Bullshit!” Magnus yelled, “Lucretia said no dogs on the moon she never said anything about kittens! Kittens are not dogs!”

“What’s with all the yelling down here fellas, the entire Bureau can hear-Oh my Gods Carey it’s a baby!” Killian practically fell to her knees to get a closer look.

“Her name is Tabbyclaw, would you like to hold her Ms Killian?” Angus offered. 

“Awe, just like in that book you love, Ango?” Carey cooed. Angus nodded enthusiastically while wiping tears from his cheeks. 

The following hour was spent passing Tabbyclaw back and forth, letting everyone get a turn, and attempting to make it back to the dorms. Every few steps resulted in someone else getting to participate in the meet and greet. Brad told Angus cats were a big responsibility and he hoped he was up to this new milestone in his road to maturity. Johann’s allergies did not stop him from holding her for just a moment before asking Angus to please use a lint roller going forward. Noelle told Angus about the many cats that lived on her family’s orchard.

That night when everything was dark and quiet Tabbyclaw settled herself onto a small pillow Angus put on his night stand especially for her. He read her the first chapter of the first book in his favorite detective series almost completely from memory. He fell asleep to the sound of her loud purring and for the first time in a long time, he had no nightmares.

 

Epilogue

Garfield did, in fact, sell litter boxes and even upgraded it to an enchanted self cleaning model with odor blocking crystals. He was noticeably uncomfortable during the whole exchange.

Lucretia was later seen doing paperwork while stroking a sleeping Tabbyclaw in her lap. She was quoted as saying “Cats are smart. They don’t run off the moon, they jump off on purpose and land on their feet.”

Angus learned a spell that allowed Tabbyclaw to speak Common for a short period. He immediately regretted it when all she said was “Hey” in various manners.

**Author's Note:**

> @pandalots on twitter
> 
> The teddy bear's sweater said "Go Cuddle Someone Who Gives a Fuck" and it now belongs to Kravitz who found it charming in that special weird Taako way.
> 
> https://vine.co/v/eQzbq1U3Ynp This is Tabbyclaw


End file.
